Morning Glory (2010)

• Rated: PG-13
• 107 mins
• HD
• I rated 3 stars (Liked It)

Initial Thoughts:
Honestly, this was not my pick. My girlfriend had annexed the remote and this is what she put on, along with nearly fifteen similar movies in the queue. She said that it's a Rachel McAdams film so I guess that's good enough.

Movie: 
Beautiful and sexy McAdams just happens to an uptight and boring TV producer given a shot at the big time.

The only problem is she's been given the reins of the worst morning show on TV, notorious even for being a black hole, sucking careers and lives into oblivion.

McAdam's first day on the job reads like a check list for a Banana Republic, though our wide eyed heroin, trained by years of overachieving, sees potential and plods along.

Her biggest coup is to get the venerable Harrison Ford to join the morning show. Ford's character is an award winning field journalist and nightly anchor stuck in a contract fight with nothing to do but collect paychecks. McAdams strong-arms Ford into taking the job, but he's not enthused.

Ford joins a very old looking Diane Keaton, it's apparent they had relations in the past, and the fireworks go off immediately. McAdams' job is in serious jeopardy.

Ford continues to bemoan his current station in life, reminding everyone within earshot how famous and great he is; McAdams desperately  tries to win him over.

Slowly her plan starts to work. All the while the show's ratings climb out of the toilet. Finally she's offered her dream job.

Conflicted, after assessing the current show's situation, she takes the interview.

Ford hears that she's leaving, and stops pretending he doesn't care, and wins her back.

Afterthoughts:
It's really not a bad film. It's not something I would go see in the theater, but fun to watch. A grumpy Harrison Ford makes me a happy boy. I guess I'm getting old. 

Mallrats (1995)

• Rated R: strong language, sexual dialogue, and drug content
• 95 mins
• Full screen, but not sure if it's HD
• I rated 3 stars (Liked It)

Initial Thoughts:
What's not to love about a cult classic? If you listen to all the hype, this is one of those movies that define a generation. A generation scarred by terrible music, an insipid sense of worthlessness, and a general lack of hygiene. I am excited to finally see Kevin Smith's work before he ate himself to obscurity.
   
Movie:
Jason Lee and his buddy are a bunch of Gen-X losers in a forgettable town with a mall. I smell a post-ironic 90's movie!

Lee's girlfriend, Shannon Doherty of all people, dumps him after the 900th night spent playing SEGA and not having sex. Both Lee and his friend T.S. (as in a reference to T.S. Lawrence -- the sheer gall these idiots have is remarkable) are both on the rebound, though T.S. is having a tougher time; his love was true! Lee suggests going to that consumerist paradise, the mall.

I know the 90's were all about dialogue; directors like Tarantino made their names on thoughtful and robust scripts, but Kevin Smith beats a decomposed horse into dust here. Lee delivers a rapid fire attack filled with more SAT prep vocab words than the average idiot watching can comprehend. A lot can be said for using big words, but more can be said for Hemingway writing at a 4th grade level. It's about comprehension, not making an impression.

The best gag by far, is a fat nerd standing next to a Magic Eye, that everyone can see but him. I vividly remember friends in school who could never see those things. Almost pissed myself laughing.

Our two anti-heroes get to the mall and find out that the father of TS' ex-girlfriend is hosting some 70's dating game show rip off there. They conspire with Jay and Silent Bob to crash the show and win back their respective girlfriends.

Ben Affleck makes an appearance as a meathead with a healthy fascination with anal, no surprises there. Jason Lee meets Stan Lee and finds the inspiration to become a normal person. Jay and SB cause havoc.

The two find their way onto the dating game, and show how clever they are; Affleck gets arrested for cornholing a minor. All is right with the world.

Afterthoughts:
If you can get over how ridiculous the dialogue is, then this is a great film. If you remember the 90's, like I do, then you'll catch a few jokes that take you back, back to a more annoying and forgettable time -- but still fun.

Take Me Home Tonight (2011)

• Not rated
• 97 mins
• HD
• I rated it 3 stars (Liked it)

Initial Thoughts: 
I have a strong distaste for Topher Grace, only because the nerd calls himself Topher; we get it super-cool-movie-guy, you're original. That being said, I thought Dan Fogler (the fat guy) did a great job in Balls of Fury. It can't be worse than Buried, so let's give it a shot.

Movie:
SPOILER ALERT: Topher plays a nerd! A nerd who went to MIT and can't figure out what he wants to do with his life, so he does the rational thing and moves back home to LA and works in a Suncoast video. I couldn't make this crap up. The hot girl that he's had a crush on since middle school comes in and, after standard comedy fluff, invites him to a party. The same party being thrown by his sister's popular boyfriend. I'm bored already.

Enter Dan Fogler, like a thunderbolt from Zeus. Fogler, that perfect combination of sweaty greasebag and John Candy loveableness, prods the sissified Grace into going.

They get there and it's high school all over again. Everyone else is perfectly awesome and cool and probably going to score, they on the other hand can't complete a sentence in the same zip code as a breathing female. Classic and tired comedy rules apply: Topher lies to impress the Kristen Stewart look-a-like. She begins to like him because he's different from the average jerk-off she dates. Stuff happens. She finds out he lied. Fogler bags the hottest woman in the movie. Topher has a come-to-Jesus moment, and conjures manhood out of the dreams and the carcass of the little girl body he inhabits. Fin.

Afterthoughts:
It's not bad. A little campy and cheesy and predictable, but not the worst movie I've seen. My favorite part is where he lies and says he works for Goldman Sachs. I can just see every preening jerk that works there secretly patting themselves on the back; no self-respecting Goldman guy would claim it out loud.


Watch it for nothing more than Fogler.

The Stuff (1985)

• Can't find a rating
• 86 mins
• SD
• I rated it 4 stars (Really Liked It)

Initial Thoughts:

I saw this film as a kid, and I do remember being blown away by the story. Though when you're 7 years old, a story about white goo that kills you if you eat it is the cat's meow. If you go into this film knowing it's an 80's B movie, you should enjoy it.

Movie:

Watching it now, with grown-up eyes, and with posterity on my side, it doesn't hold up as well as I'd thought. That's not to say, that The Stuff isn't worth the time. 

The themes are so deliciously 80's it hurts. A weird and unexplained white goo bubbles out of the Earth. It tastes sweet and smooth. Some country bumbkins decide that they could sell it -- and  it's apparent that no testing is done (Capitalism RULES!). Flash forward to a fancy ad agency marketing the crap out of it, and it's on every supermarket's shelves. They shill the hell out of it. Turn it into a giant industry that supports one town and kills another, and commit all types of corporate crime.

Problems arise when a little boy, who's head is far to big for his body, notices the Stuff moving in the fridge. Later the boy freaks out at the market, knocking down store displays and taking cartons of the Stuff out of shopper's carts.

This kind of animosity towards the new wonder product doesn't sit well. The boy's family soon demands that he eat the stuff and, "join the family."

All the while Michael "almost as cool as Jesus" Moriarty is going around kicking ass and taking names. Moriarty rescues the kid and long story short: a disgraced ultra right-wing general (who sees the stuff as a communist threat) activates his all white militia and takes over the stuff factory and compound by force. I can imagine Newt's pants stirring watching all of this unfold.

After the stuff has been banned, we see in the final scenes that it goes underground, much like the crack-cocaine epidemic of the 80's.

The only eighties cliche missing is the syth-heavy soundtrack.

Afterthoughts:
Watching the credits roll, I was glad I re-watched The Stuff. If you're bored, or have some friends over and want to clown it up a bit, put this on. Deliciously good.