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Sunday, January 15, 2012

Hackers (1995)

  • Rated PG-13: Some sexuality and brief strong language
  • 105 mins
  • SD
  • I rated 3 stars (Liked It)
Initial Thoughts:
I knew a guy in high school that watched this film just about everyday for a solid year -- and when I say "knew" -- I mean I avoided the kid like the plague. He dressed like he was going to a pride march, and while that wasn't so bad, he was at least 70 pounds overweight. It's hard to find leopard print pants in husky.

I have to say one thing about this film... it does not age well. Our protagonist is a super hacker from prepubescence, but gets caught and is forbidden to touch even a phone until he's eighteen. Flash forward to the 28 year old looking Johnny Lee Miller, and we're off. He changes schools and meets a short haired Angelina Jolie. He's smitten, she's too cool for school. Remember kids, it's the 90's and women are either cheerleader sluts or pants-suit wearing womyn with more anger than the Hulk.

Lee Miller ends up befriending a waifish Puerto Rican and gains entree to the ELITE (I'm laughing as I type that) hacker club. Jolie, sensing an attack on her manhood, challenges Miller to a hack-off. Hilarity ensues.

All the while the nerd of the group (I know) hacks blindly into the devil's den and stirs up a hornet's nest. He gets busted and the plot rolls on.

Miller and Jolie have erotic dreams about each other, but being bound by the rules of high school, continue on being love-struck idiots.  

The Black Hat begins going after our new buddies by hacking into the FBI files and changing stuff. Miller and the crew hatch a plan to take him down with the aid of a Independence Day style montage of world-wide hackers. The access point is Grand Central Station. How did they get there you ask...

rollerblading. I nearly pissed my pants I was laughing so hard.

Miller, with the help of a world-wide network of super hackers is able to make it into the Black Hat's system. A battle that rivals Iwo Jima ensues. But at the end of the day, even Penn from Penn & Teller using all his wizardry can't stop ZEROCOOL.
Jolie has to wear a dress on the victory date. Take that Feminism!

Painfully 90's. The costume designer was trying to make a statement; I'm just not sure if it was a joke about how ridiculously serious Gen X took themselves, or a serious foray into avant-garde high fashion. The acting left much to be desired, and the plot was absurd, but still I'm glad I saw it. It does have that crazy tall guy from SLC Punk, so there's that.


  1. Yes it's how you said: Painfully 90's!
    Im not a fan of this time.

  2. i remember when this movie and the net were like cutting edge computer stuff

  3. I've never found films like this to my interest, but good blog!:D

  4. The toughest hackers out there rollerblade, and rollerblade in style, too.

  5. i love it when they use a payphone to hack

  6. I've always wanted to see that movie... Not so sure about it now. Rollerblades? lolol